“Just because, I mean, no disrespect to Camilla, I’m not a good lookin person either, but she isn’t a stunner & yet she’s gone & picked up a royal.”

“Knowledge is almost annoyin’.” Yep, ignorance is bliss

“If you’ve got, like, problems, don’t think New York is the answer.”

“Do you know why it’s called Mount Everest? It’s because, it’s a large Mount, & if you climb it, by the time you get to the top, you need to ‘ave a rest.”

“I know that when I was a kid, I ate a beetle. I ate a beetle because I thought it was licorice.”

“If it’s all about arse, why don’t gays like a little bit of tit?”

“Man-moths?” Steve was telling Karl how scientists were/are going to clone mammoths for a theme park & Karl misheard him. 

“If a french woman was talking to me, I’d say ‘I don’t know what yer talkin’ ‘bout, love, but it sounds good’.” I love charming Karl.

“Music is there to sing over.”

“Why would I want a monkey testicle if me kids are gonna be monkeys?”

“If it’s a potato or a nut, it’s a foodage.” Followed by one of the best Ricky laughs

“Does the brain… control you? Or are you controlling the brain? I don’t know if I’m in charge of mine.”

“You can see a lot in eyes, do y’know what I mean? They say, ‘Don’t trust him.’ ‘Why?’ ‘It’s his eyes.’ Jellyfish haven’t even got any & I don’t trust ‘em.”

“Tiny Tim, go & get a chicken!” Karl Pilkington on Christmas.

“Relationships is the love of two brains.”